He’s got my whole world….

by Carolyn on January 21, 2010

My husband and I

My husband and I

Last Sunday, my husband and I were lucky enough to have a ‘date’ day.  I would have preferred a ‘date’ night, but I’m still tethered to my daughter Claire after seven o’clock, so a ‘date’ day it was. My mom and stepdad graciously offered to take the kids for the entire day, leaving my husband and I to our own devices for about seven consecutive hours. Imagine that!  Seven whole hours.  It was all planned the Thursday before and my excitement was palpable for three straight days. I could barely wait to have my husband all to myself.

We planned to simply have a nice meal, see a movie and spend some quality time together. Much like the first few dates we ever went on. We are so wrapped up in parenting right now. It’s utterly consuming and the needs and wants of our children seem to come at us from all directions. And as much as I love motherhood and parenting with my husband, I also find myself looking forward to the day that we can be more of a couple again. I miss that aspect of our relationship while I’m also haunted by the knowledge that all too soon we will find ourselves missing parenting instead.

If you were to ask me, I’d say that my husband and I are a good fit. We are both realists, pragmatic. We are both strong willed, sharp tongued and unpretentious. Neither of us require our egos to be stroked or lengthy discussions about our emotions. We go through life happily focused on just that, our daily lives. But there was something about this date. Something that made me feel like I really wanted to connect with him on a deeper level.

Like so many, we see divorce all around us. And as our conversation meandered over to one of the couples we know who are in the midst of a separation, I made a decision to open up. Really open up. For this closed, rather detached child of divorce, it was significant. I said to him, “The one thing that is completely unexpected for me is how amazingly attracted I still am to you after all these years. I love parenting with you. I love being your partner in this way, but I’m also so excited for our future. For the days when we can just be ‘us’ again. The prospect of living my whole life with you makes me incredibly happy.” They were words straight from my heart and I couldn’t help but feel my eyes well up and hear my voice break while I said them.

The truth is, I really do feel so fortunate. Luckier than a million dollar lottery winner. Because when I got married I was scared. Although my parents had both remarried into stable and long lasting marriages, I had mourned the loss of their marriage for nearly my whole life. I didn’t know. There were no guarantees. Could I love him enough for a lifetime? Could he love me enough? I hoped so, with all of my heart. But I was still wary at the thought of children, of creating a family. My biggest fear in life has always been relegating a child to the same childhood I had. Not that my life was so terrible, but trust me, no one would ever choose to be a child of divorce.

Eight years and two children later, my confidence and faith in my marriage has become the foundation of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is connected to it. It’s a scary place to be and it’s even scarier to acknowledge to myself and to him. Vulnerability is hard for me and the reality is that if he wanted to, he could walk away and there would be nothing I could do about it. But I trust that he won’t. He knows that he holds my life and my happiness in his hands. I’m proud to say that I’m one hundred percent comfortable having them there.

Considering the current statistics on the marriages of grown children of divorce, by all accounts I’ve beaten the odds.  Rest assured, I’m thanking my lucky stars that I have.

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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Heather ~ Acting Balanced Mom January 22, 2010 at 12:22 am

Congratulations not only on a strong and happy marriage, but also getting a date day! Stopping by from SITS
.-= Heather ~ Acting Balanced Mom´s last blog ..‘Iwannastay’ =-.

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2 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 12:53 pm

Thanks Heather!

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3 JDaniel4's Mom January 22, 2010 at 12:41 am

It sounds like you have wonderful man. I am so glad you got an evening to enjoy being with him.

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4 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Thanks!

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5 Yaya January 22, 2010 at 5:22 am

That is so sweet and romantic!
.-= Yaya´s last blog ..Friday Fragments =-.

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6 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Thanks Yaya!

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7 k80 @ onegirlsjourney January 22, 2010 at 6:17 am

What a stellar post. Thank you for being so honest. This really resonated with me. I am getting married in March and I have some of the same fears…no guarantees. You trust your gut, work hard and keep your fingers crossed. But it is so inspiring to hear of your marriage’s success in spite of your fears. I know my fiance has the same commitment to marriage as well and most of it is just that – my fears. Thank you for sharing. Found you on SITS…your title caught my attention.

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8 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Thanks k80! Congratulations and best wishes to you and your fiance!

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9 Laura January 22, 2010 at 7:00 am

Wonderful post. Glad to hear that things are going so well. Date nights/days are always good. We get one tonight for the first time since our little guy was born (7 months ago).
.-= Laura´s last blog ..Why I {heart} Holland =-.

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10 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Oh Laura! I hope you had a great time!

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11 Liz McLachlan January 22, 2010 at 9:35 am

This was so nice to read…I have a date night coming up and I also LOVE reconnecting as a couple. Sometimes I find that I forget we were a couple first before the business of kids, work, life, etc…so it’s nice when we can put all of that aside and really focus on each other.
.-= Liz McLachlan´s last blog ..Parenting Quote of the Day =-.

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12 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 1:00 pm

It sure is. Sometimes in the midst of it all, we can forget why we chose each other in the first place. It’s oh so nice to remember.

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13 Bella Lucia Photography January 22, 2010 at 11:37 am

What a great post! Thank you for your honesty. I feel so blessed to have my husband as well. We truly are still in love and I still get butterflies in my tummy when we kiss. I know how fortunate I am, and thank God every day for blessing me with such an amazing man! Thanks for sharing your story! Visiting via SITS!
.-= Bella Lucia Photography´s last blog ..Celebrating Leo’s Life… =-.

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14 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Thanks for stopping by Bella! You are lucky indeed!

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15 Frank January 22, 2010 at 11:38 am

How lovely. :)
.-= Frank´s last blog ..LINGO #27: Rain Day =-.

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16 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Awww, thanks Frank!

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17 Meg Michelle January 22, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Sounds like you found yourself an amazing man! I love date days/nights. So much fun!

Stopping by from SITS!
.-= Meg Michelle´s last blog ..Bridal Necklace =-.

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18 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 1:02 pm

Thanks for stopping in Meg!

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19 Jen @ After The Alter January 22, 2010 at 2:21 pm

I”m so happy you had such a nice date! I think its wonderful that you continue to work on your marriage and do stuff together. It’s so imporatnt to remember that. I don’t have kids yet, but I hope one day I can remember to make time for my marriage.
Visiting from SITS!

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20 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 1:02 pm

You will Jen. Thanks for stopping by!

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21 Angelia January 23, 2010 at 2:02 am

Carolyn,

This is so beautiful and meaningful in more ways than I can even understand. You have really got it. “Vulnerability is hard for me ”
I know just what you mean. It is so hard to put myself out there. But the reward is amazing.
Great “date” night. :-)
.-= Angelia´s last blog ..Why I heart Facebook <3 =-.

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22 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 1:04 pm

The rewards of love come at great risk. But those rewards greater than anything. Thanks Angelia.

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23 WhiteSockGirl January 23, 2010 at 5:25 am

To find someone to click with is not easy, but making that connection last, and to get that flame going forever, is even more difficult. It seems you have found the magic. I am so happy for you. You husband is a lucky man!
.-= WhiteSockGirl´s last blog ..A Story for Every Picture: Not Enough =-.

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24 Carolyn January 23, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Thanks! We both are. It is hard to find a good match. Our temperaments are very similar and I think that’s what makes us work most of all.

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25 Tammy January 25, 2010 at 2:17 pm

A perfect match the two of you are! Congrats on the date day and hopefully soon it can be a date night or couples night out with friend. I know what it is like to be tethered. That was how it was with my first. But my wonderful husband stepped in and really helped me out and he was weanned after only three nights.(we did have to rock him to sleep for a few months after that but any one could rock him not just me). Good luck Carolyn and I will see you tomorrow!

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26 Betsy January 26, 2010 at 11:12 am

Sweet. I feel the same way about my hubby. We spend so much time together but it’s 95% parenting. It’s nice to do a little wifing and husbanding too. And I also feel like I’ve so won the biggest jackpot ever because he is the best husband on the planet and not everyone gets one of those.
.-= Betsy´s last blog ..That’s funny! You should blog about it! =-.

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27 steve January 26, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Thanks, for all the kind words, and for a great date!!! I am glad that we are still together and don’t have any plans of that changing. I have 3 sisters and 2 of them have been through divorce in the past and I don’t ever want to go through that or put my children through that. I feel that divorced couples are sometimes too selfish and are not willing to follow the ” bend, but don’t break” philosophy. So again thank you for everything, and looking foward to our next great date!!!

LOVE STEVE XO

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28 Spelling January 26, 2010 at 4:31 pm

This is near and dear to all of us who have little one’s at home. Finding time for yourself is difficult and making time as a couple even more so. I don’t want to grow old, kids moved on and discover we have nothing in common with each other anymore. Making sure we grow toghether and not apart is something I will work on everyday.

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29 Christa January 30, 2010 at 11:08 am

What a great post! I think I know what you mean about your good marriage being your foundation — I can’t imagine a future without my husband there with me anymore. I can try, I guess, but it feels all wrong.

And, oh, what I wouldn’t give for 7 hours of date! You lucky girl!
.-= Christa´s last blog ..Paloma’s First Cold =-.

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30 Carolyn February 1, 2010 at 11:22 pm

It’s so true. That was a turning point for me. When I would think of things to come years from now and would find myself being excited to share that with him.

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31 Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip February 2, 2010 at 11:08 am

What a blessing to get a whole day together!!! That is fantastic. You and your hubby sound like you have a beautiful loving relationship. Your children are so lucky to grow up in a home like yours.

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32 Carolyn February 15, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Thank you! We would like to think so.

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33 Robyn Hardy February 25, 2010 at 3:25 pm

Thats great Carolyn! Sounds like you picked a great husband. My husband is terrific also! With having little children like you do, its an adventure with some ‘outta your mind’ times! Then they grow up and you look forward to what takes place in their lives. Its great when you share it with a man who can understand and be supportive!

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34 Carolyn February 26, 2010 at 10:00 am

It sure is.

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