In search of me – Day 2

by Carolyn on July 14, 2009

You actually could walk on this path.  An English retreat.

You actually could walk on this path. An English retreat.

So let’s get a bit wetter here:

Are you doing what you really want to be doing?  Are you on the right path for you?

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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Tammy July 14, 2009 at 10:00 am

Are you sure you are not just jumping right on in? lol

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2 Carolyn July 14, 2009 at 3:55 pm

I guess you could say I am :)

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3 Frank July 14, 2009 at 11:15 am

Mostly, yes. But for the most part, I’m trying to make lemonade out of lemons. It’s the life I can have. It’s not the life I wanted.

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4 Carolyn July 14, 2009 at 4:43 pm

This question is a lot harder to answer than I had originally thought! I’ve considered it on two different levels.

The big picture – Overall I can say with confidence that I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. I am on the right path for me, which is both surprising and lucky considering how far off that path I’ve wandered in the past. I’m happy to be a wife and mother. I’m happy to be in my career. I’m enjoying this new venture here. Overall I am very fulfilled in my life. And yet, when I look back I have to acknowledge that I haven’t haven’t always been. At times I’ve been so lost that I wondered if I might ever find a path for myself at all. And once I saw it in the distance I raced toward it, never taking the time to enjoy the walk. So I guess what I’m saying is that although I’m on the right path now, I miss the things I could have done if I had never left it. Things like living in a big city all by myself. Like Carrie in ‘Sex in the City’. I really wish I had done that. But I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I never will. Because I’m certainly not going to lose my path again. I’m where I want to be and doing what I want to do, now. I just sometimes lament over the things I would have liked to have done but never did, then.

The little picture – When considering the little picture, I’m often not doing everything I really want to be doing. And that’s because I really want to be doing much more than I could ever manage in a day that’s only 24 hours long. I would really like to go to the gym, take yoga classes, run, join a team, clean my house from top to bottom and spend more time with my husband and friends, but I don’t. I’ve had to prioritize. That’s life, but I do hope to find more balance in the future. I’m happy with what I do from day to day. I just wish I could do more!

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5 Peter Pan July 14, 2009 at 5:06 pm

Another tough one,
1) work, yes I am extremely happy and challenged.
2) personnal life, I have a wonderful wife, great kids but I am finding it very difficult with a young family at home. The freedom and personnal fulfillment I’ve enjoyed for years and years has been put on hold. It has been replaced with kids that I love more than anything, however the rewards are different. I am anxious for them to grow-up so we can have the best of both worlds. It often feels like ground hog dog/week/year. This is something I want I just find myself overwhelmed at times.

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6 Carolyn July 14, 2009 at 8:00 pm

I relate completely with #2. And as guilty as it makes most of us parents feel, I think many feel this way. It’s not that we want our children grown and gone. Just that we are waiting for them to get to an age when they can enjoy some of the things we do, not just the other way around.

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7 Tammy July 14, 2009 at 7:35 pm

Okay, so yes I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. It is something I never thought I would do or want to do either. As a kid growing up, I had dreams of having the career and kids all of it. Well I had it and I couldn’t do it all the way the perfectionist in me wanted it to be done. So after my 12 mth maternity leave( another reason for you Urchin to move to Canuckida) and 2mths of work, I quit my job and rarely looked back.

It wasn’t the career I dreamed of, I just kind of found it and loved it. Will I go back to it? I am not sure. I have been contemplating going back to school. But right now French as a second languge is demanding enough of my time. So for now I am exactly where I want to be.

Carolyn I need a few more hours in the day as well. Then maybe we could go out for a drink sometime(when I can drink again and not fell like an unmilked cow if I am gone to long).

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8 Carolyn July 14, 2009 at 8:01 pm

“Then maybe we could go out for a drink sometime”

I’m looking forward to it!

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9 Tammy July 14, 2009 at 7:36 pm

Go easy on us tomorrow!lol There are still a lot of days in the month left!

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10 Urchin July 16, 2009 at 11:16 pm

I don’t know. I really don’t. I don’t have a job, but I’m learning how to love myself. I still can’t see myself the way other people claim to, and that always makes me question their motives, etc.

I’m out of my parents house, which is something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time. I’m out of the little town I called Hell. I’ve stretched, reached, and found myself lacking in so many ways. I keep trying new things (I’d hate to die with a talent I didn’t know I had), but am I really doing what I want to be doing?

My wants change from day to day. I’ve learned to live without so many of them that they don’t poke at me so often anymore.

I’ve thought about this question. Badgered myself over it, but still can’t seem to find an answer I think is even remotely satisfactory. The more questions you ask, the more I find myself… less than I want to be.

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11 Carolyn July 17, 2009 at 9:30 am

I guess it could depend on how you’re looking at the path your walking. It may not have reached the place you hope to get to yet. But as long as you feel it is up ahead in the distance, it’s okay. Learning to love yourself is very important and cannot be discounted. Meeting goals like having your own home is extraordinary. You aren’t quite in the location you want to arrive at, no. But I’m thinking the path you’re taking to get there may be exactly the right one.

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12 Urchin July 17, 2009 at 12:53 pm

I really hope you’re right.

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13 Thera August 20, 2009 at 2:44 pm

This is a hard one to admit but my life is not even close to what I wanted it to be. I alway feel like there is something around the corner for me but I just never can seem to stick to one thing because I never think I’m good enough. So here’s a doctor phil moment lol.

On to the next!

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14 Holly October 6, 2009 at 9:52 pm

i can go ahead and answer this one too.. cause it’s easy..

i was laid off in May… so NO, i am not doing what i want to do… and i am so tired of cleaning the house and laundry that i think i may scream…

i am seeking out my next path… and i have no direction…

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15 Carolyn October 8, 2009 at 12:33 am

It will come. I think that sometimes being okay with having no direction can leave you open to finding your path when it does present itself. Sometimes we are so hell bent on getting on a path – any path, that we miss opportunities.

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